• I Deserve To Talk Anyhow, Dress Anyhow And Live Anyhow

    I listened to an excerpt of Sandra Ezekwesili’s radio show where she was discussing Nigeria’s increased rate of sexual assault on women. A man called into the program to say that the reason why men rape women is that “they talk anyhow” when approached or propositioned by men. At that moment, my head spun and my chest tightened in outrage. But Sandra asked the question that burned through my mind. She said “If you as a man talk anyhow to a fellow man, do you expect to get raped?” You already know what the answer was.     You know why my chest tightened when I heard that man’s words?…

  • Longsuffering. The Nigerian Man’s Definition Of A Good Woman

    LONGSUFFERING DEFINITION: “having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people.” The Nigerian man’s definition of a good woman is the “longsuffering” woman. The one who will take every bullshit, tolerate bad behaviour, live with disrespect and disloyalty. The one who can be lied to and is guaranteed to not ask questions. The one who will labour and grow old and brittle, still labouring without compensation or acknowledgement, help, relief or appreciation because she’s been told it’s her duty to labour. It’s what is expected. The one who will endure verbal, emotional, psychological and even physical abuse because she’s been told a ‘a good woman’…

  • My Safety Advisory For #DettyDecember

    It’s that time of the year again. When men and women, boys and girls come out to dance, play and party. If you have worked hard this year, you definitely deserve to turn up and groove. While you’re grooving however, let’s not forget we live among predators and rattlesnakes wearing human skin. While we have laboured this year to teach consent, educate and inform, pray and even persuade men not to assault us, let’s not leave our safety in the hands of men who have been raised to not care about our well-being. As you go out this season, make sure you have a fully charged cell phone with data…

  • Ending Violence Against Women Is Not “Feminist Work”; It’s Survival Work

      This morning, a young man who had set fire to his girlfriend was caught by neighbors. The girl was rescued with 70% of her body covered in 3rd degree burns. I watched the video in horror and while I’m clearly enraged by the injustice of it all, I am also filled with intense sadness at the inhumanity displayed. Once again, I am reminded (not that I need reminding) of why no woman can afford to sit on the sidelines on the issue of ending violence against women. This behavior didn’t happen in a vacuum. It is not unexplainable. It comes from a deeply rooted belief in the ‘ownership’ and…

  • Shyness Is Not A Virtue. “Quiet” Is Not A Compliment.

    “pushy”, “forward”, “demanding”. Words  usually accociated with women who are not hesitant about asking for what they want. It’s society’s way of keeping women under and behind. It’s been perfected for decades such that girls are socialized from early on, to not ask for what they want but to pretend they don’t want it while using all sorts of roundabout “schemes” hoping to get it.

  • Abortion Is Not A Dirty Word.

    Abortion is not a dirty word. Let’s get that out of the way first. The hushed whispers, the fear (real or imagined), is absolutely unnecessary. Abortions happen in Nigeria on a daily basis; illegal or not, unplanned pregnancies are getting aborted. Unfortunately, too many of those abortions are carried out in unsafe conditions by quacks. But get this, a large number of abortions are done by licensed medical professionals in private hospitals under the table because even though it’s illegal, private healthcare in Nigeria is about commerce. Doctors must eat; so for women who can afford to pay, an abortion doesn’t have to be unsafe. The illegal status this country…

  • I Bought Myself A Ring; and My Life Changed..

    If you have paid attention to the Nigerian news circle in the last few days, you must have seen the reports about the over 70 women that were accused of prostitution, abducted and then a number of them sexually assaulted by policemen in an illegal raid carried out in restaurants, bars and nightclubs in Abuja city center. As it is quite common in Nigeria’s largely discriminatory and gender biased culture, men were not arrested and women wearing wedding rings were freed because an outward ‘proof’ of being attached to a man can temporarily protect you from mob male assault. As a Nigerian woman who lives the experience everyday, being seen…

  • Youth for Technology Foundation’s 3D Africa hosts Silicon Lagoon In Lagos

      Youth for Technology Foundation’s 3D Africa will host Silicon Lagoon, a three-day economic mission organized by startups​.be and Close​ the Gap to Lagos, Nigeria. From March 21st​ and 23rd​,​ the Silicon Lagoon mission will enable participants to discover one of the most thriving tech ecosystems in the world, learn more about business opportunities in Africa, meet local business leaders, pitch to local and international investors, and network with entrepreneurs. During the mission, Youth for Technology Foundation 3D Africa students and team members will participate in hand-on activities such as co-creation workshops at CC Hub and NG_Hub, an interactive “Pow-Wow” at the Tony Elumelu Foundation, immersion sessions at local startups like LifeBank and Blackbit…

  • Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi has been named Commonwealth Young Person of the Year.

    Ayodeji Osowobi has been  helping thousands of sexual and domestic abuse victims through Stand To End Rape. She was presented with the award by Commonwealth Secretary-General Patricia Scotland at Marlborough House, the Commonwealth Secretariat’s London headquarters. She also received a prize of £5,000, which she will use to expand her activities in Nigeria. Oluwaseun, herself a survivor of sexual violence, set up the Stand to End Rape Initiative (STER) to provide support to women, men and young people who have experienced any form of gender-based abuse. She said: “This award reminds me that when young people don’t look away in the face of injustice, and say ‘no’ to cultural biases,…

  • Wanting The Sadness To Go

    I have thought about how to put this into words and there’s no other word than this one phrase: “It hurts”. It hurts like an open wound. When I found out I was pregnant in the early weeks of this year, It was the happiest and the scariest day of my life. But I was proud of myself. I felt like I had finally achieved something worth being proud of. (this might not make sense to you but for me, being a mother has been something I had wanted and waited for, for a long time) I felt like everything was finally working out. I felt blessed and I couldn’t…

  • Can You Please Let Us Live? We’re Not Asking For Much

    When we talk about the rape culture in Nigeria and how the sexual assault of women is normalized, discussions become heated and victim blaming is rife. From being groped in the market to being groped at church, assaulted in public transport and raped in school, we can no longer deny that Nigerian women are not safe.

  • Monogamy Is Not Gendered!

    Too many Nigerian men live with the illusion and are quick to peddle the myth  that monogamy is a natural female trait. Majority of men think that women who have sexual partners out of their marital relationships or committed relationships do it either for money or because the man they’re with is not sexually satisfying. This narrative is not only quite flawed, it’s also been weaponized. It’s very difficult for men to see women as sexual beings and admit that the narrative that a woman’s feelings must be involved before she has sex is false. That  would mean Women have sex for the sake of having sex too.

  • #PressForProgress – Live Your Truth. No Permission Needed.

      I didn’t grow up thinking i was female. Sounds rather odd doesn’t it? Let me explain myself better.  I was a creative child and i discovered it early enough. I knew i could sing, write, talk a mouthful and be the center of attention in any group and i did all those naturally without thinking for a second about being a girl while doing them. Then Church happened.  And life happened. I was told you’re a girl, don’t be so outspoken You’re a girl, you shouldn’t always be in front You’re a girl, don’t be so loud You’re a girl, you shouldn’t want to be the leader   Women…

  • @ShonowoHospital Announces Free Fibroid Removal Surgeries!

    In Nigeria, women who are in their child bearing ages stand higher risk of developing fibroids. Fibroids are the most frequently seen tumors of the female reproductive system. Also known as uterine myomas, leiomyomas, or fibromas, fibroids are firm, compact tumors that are made of smooth muscle cells and fibrous connective tissue that develop in the uterus. It is estimated that between 20 to 50 percent of women of reproductive age have fibroids, although not all are diagnosed. It has been estimated that 1 in 4 Nigerian women develop one or more fibroids in her lifetime.

  • Get The Perfect Underwear From PantAffairs!

    The struggle to get the perfect bra that fit, is a struggle most of us women go through. So when we find that one bra that is comfortable,  supports, covers, holds and it super sexy,  we tend to wear the hell out of it. That favorite bra can take the much needed break now.  PantAffairs is here! You can contact PantAffairs for affordable yet quality bras and panties. I purchased two today and i didn’t want to take them off.  They are perfect! PantAffairs stock all sizes.  Big cup,  small cup,  plus size,  you’ll get your fit. CONTACT DETAILS Whatsapp  : 08153652956 Instagram : @pantaffairs Gmail : pantaffairs@gmail.com No calls…