• Longsuffering. The Nigerian Man’s Definition Of A Good Woman

    LONGSUFFERING DEFINITION: “having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people.” The Nigerian man’s definition of a good woman is the “longsuffering” woman. The one who will take every bullshit, tolerate bad behaviour, live with disrespect and disloyalty. The one who can be lied to and is guaranteed to not ask questions. The one who will labour and grow old and brittle, still labouring without compensation or acknowledgement, help, relief or appreciation because she’s been told it’s her duty to labour. It’s what is expected. The one who will endure verbal, emotional, psychological and even physical abuse because she’s been told a ‘a good woman’…

  • Ending Violence Against Women Is Not “Feminist Work”; It’s Survival Work

      This morning, a young man who had set fire to his girlfriend was caught by neighbors. The girl was rescued with 70% of her body covered in 3rd degree burns. I watched the video in horror and while I’m clearly enraged by the injustice of it all, I am also filled with intense sadness at the inhumanity displayed. Once again, I am reminded (not that I need reminding) of why no woman can afford to sit on the sidelines on the issue of ending violence against women. This behavior didn’t happen in a vacuum. It is not unexplainable. It comes from a deeply rooted belief in the ‘ownership’ and…

  • Shyness Is Not A Virtue. “Quiet” Is Not A Compliment.

    “pushy”, “forward”, “demanding”. Words  usually accociated with women who are not hesitant about asking for what they want. It’s society’s way of keeping women under and behind. It’s been perfected for decades such that girls are socialized from early on, to not ask for what they want but to pretend they don’t want it while using all sorts of roundabout “schemes” hoping to get it.