• All I Wanted Was My Own Daddy

    My dad walked away before I was born. So I was told. He wasn’t a deadbeat or irresponsible father. He was there for his other children. His “recognised or “legitimate” ones. For a long time I took the blame on myself without even realising it. I thought something was wrong with me. The rejection was personal. My mother loved me and was there in every way she could, but there was always that empty space she couldn’t fill. Where is my father? Why didn’t come for me? Will he ever come? Why doesn’t he love me?

  • EVENT: #DigitalMediaTalk With ELSIE GODWIN

    I’m excited to be a panelist at #MeetsMedia’s Digital Media Talk with Elsie Godwin because the event provides a platform for digital media content creators, advertising and marketing professionals to interact, network and learn from industry leaders. The Theme is ‘Blogging As a Tool For Social Change’ and The media chat will be a live broadcast event. Register to attend HERE

  • Can I Be Happy Now?

    I recently just checked out Google’s definition of “Happy”. Apparently it’s ‘feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.’ Interesting. I checked because I have been wondering if I’m really happy or if I’m as happy as I should be or if I should be happy at all. I’ve been thinking … Who determines what should make me happy ? Who measures the degree of my happiness and sets the level it should be? At what stage of life am I ‘allowed’ to be happy ? Can I choose to be happy now even when I haven’t met all the criteria that determines happiness ? Can I feel or show pleasure and…

  • #GuestPost – Why I Am “Age Queer” By @NellyLaoni

    The term ‘queer’ is never really associated with age. It is now firmly placed within the LGBTQI+ community. It is a term associated with identity. I would like to acknowledge the controversy surrounding this new term “age queer” and I apologize should this be considered offensive, but I hope that I can appropriate this for good. According to an article on Bustle.com by Lindsay Denniger “queerness isn’t a trend, it’s a human being’s identity in the current socio-political climate”. I agree. Urban dictionary defines “age queer” as used to describe persons who feel that their chronological age does not fit into the persona they wish to present to the world…

  • Is The Bible Really Infallible?

    Once you relinquish conviction that the Bible is *literally* God’s word, faith becomes a messier affair. It’s easier to simply believe that the Bible is a plain record of the divine, that it clearly and concisely states what Christians should believe. In a world that feels so chaotic, biblical infallibility can provide distinct comfort. But comfort and truth aren’t synonymous. The truth is that the biblical books were written by humans. They represent the fruits of people grappling with God, and what it means to be human, for centuries—in all the complexity those questions necessarily entail.

  • A Collection Of Really Bad Advice

    This weekend I attended a wedding. My 24 year old cousin, got married to her college sweetheart and it was a colorful family affair. For several weeks, I struggled with the decision to attend. Not because I wasn’t happy with and for her, but because I find extended family events quite stressful and to be honest, financially draining. But then, I am my mother’s only child and if you’re familiar with Nigerian family dynamics, you know she’ll be miserable if her only child is the one missing from an all important family affair. See, I haven’t been home in four years. (long story) and so this wedding was going to…

  • Your Husband Is A Predator.

    Dear Madam, your maid did not “seduce” your husband. Your husband is a grown man with his mind intact, made a decision to take advantage of your maid. He didn’t have sex with her because “you were not there to give him enough”. He didn’t have sex with her because “her food was delicious” He didn’t have sex with her because “she dressed in short skirt” He didn’t have sex with her because “he couldn’t help himself” He didn’t have sex with her because “he was charmed” He didn’t have sex with her because of a myriad of other reasons you’ve been told. He made her his sex object because…

  • Monogamy Is Not Gendered!

    Too many Nigerian men live with the illusion and are quick to peddle the myth  that monogamy is a natural female trait. Majority of men think that women who have sexual partners out of their marital relationships or committed relationships do it either for money or because the man they’re with is not sexually satisfying. This narrative is not only quite flawed, it’s also been weaponized. It’s very difficult for men to see women as sexual beings and admit that the narrative that a woman’s feelings must be involved before she has sex is false. That  would mean Women have sex for the sake of having sex too.

  • The Church ‘Under Attack’? OK Then! Let It Be!

    The religious establishment felt under attack when Jesus started calling them out on their hypocrisy and selfishness. The church felt under attack the moment Martin Luther posted his thesis on the door and called out the extortion of the poor and sale of indulgences. If the 21st century church is feeling under attack today, it’s because capitalist Christianity and Pentecostalism is a cancer that must be uprooted and burned. The questions being asked are uncomfortable. Your favorite religious leaders and mentors are being scrutinized and it’s scary. I understand. It’s painful. But it’s necessary. This tower of corruption we have erected needs to be pulled down. The church is not…

  • 34 And Gratefully Counting…

    I had been dreading this day for some weeks now.  I used to look forward to the 21st July of every year because it’s my birthday and it’s always been special. But somehow, this year’s birthday didn’t really fill me with excitement.  I dreaded the happy wishes, the phone calls, the ‘joyful’ responses I’ll have to muster to respond to the myraid of Social Media well wishers, the smiles I’ll have to give as co workers wish me a happy birthday… Thinking about it alone got me exhausted. Why wasn’t i excited about my birthday? Maybe because this year and the previous one has been a tough one physically and…

  • Dear Men; A Quick Reminder..

      Dear men, please when you find yourself on a queue and a woman is in front of you, please do not press your body against hers from behind. When you’re sitting in a bus beside a woman, don’t “use style” to rub the side of her breasts with your elbows. When you climb Okada with a woman in front of you, don’t press your crotch against her behind. When you notice another man do this, don’t chuckle to yourself and look away.  Speak up and let him know this behavior is wrong. When you find yourself about to engage in this indiciplined and abusive behavior, remind yourself that you…

  • Ubumuntu Arts Festival Returns, Binding Art to Resilience

    The Ubumuntu Arts Festival is back for the fourth edition with incredible performances from around the world. This year, Africa’s largest performing arts gathering for humanity will share the power of art in building personal and community resilience. Attendees will be taken on a journey to explore the notion of resilience and the paths that lead there. The three-day festival takes place from 13-15 July 2018 at the Kigali Genocide Memorial amphitheatre in Rwanda and entry is free for all.

  • Staying Free From Social Media Toxicity

    We all know how important it is to give our bodies a break from toxic substances. The word ‘toxic’ by itself scares us and warns us to stay away. And for the most part, we do because we love our health and we want to stay alive. So much has also been said about ‘toxic relationships and toxic friendships’ and how it’s important to identify them and avoid them for our mental health and emotional well-being. We read those articles and probably hear those TED talks and sermons but we still expose ourselves to toxicity every day. How? Through our social media feeds. The rise and popularity of social media…

  • Being Kind To Me..

    KINDNESS:  Defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Synonyms: goodwill, affection, warmth, gentleness, tenderness, concern, care; consideration, thoughtfulness, unselfishness, altruism, compassion, sympathy, understanding, etc Someone twitted recently and said; “be kind to yourself”.  Simple statement but it got me thinking. How do I treat me ? I recently learned that the way I treat myself , the decisions and choices I make are oftentimes a reaction from what I think about me.  How I allow others to treat me is a reflection of how I feel about me. Years of internalizing thoughts of unworthiness , insecurity and pain had damaged so much but the recovery process has been amazing.  Now I’m conscious of what I’m constantly thinking about myself. Like a…

  • #MTVShugaInRealLife Documentary Premieres Tonight!

    From our homes, schools, religious institutions and among friends, the issues surrounding sexual and reproductive health are crying to be discussed, and media and entertainment have proven to be a strong channel to help drive home the important messages to reeducate and inform the previously uninformed. Through The #MTVShuga Television drama and #MTVShugaInRealLife documentary series, the MTV Staying Alive Foundation, draws attention to HIV awareness and prevention,  reproductive health, gender equality,  sexual and domestic violence and girl child education.