• LISTEN: The Nuances Of Helping Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence

    Intimate partner violence is one of the most common forms of violence against women and includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and controlling behaviours by an intimate partner. Intimate partner violence1 (IPV) occurs in all settings and among all socioeconomic, religious and cultural groups. IPV refers to any behaviour within an intimate relationship that causes physical, psychological or sexual harm to those in the relationship. While we work to help survivors leave the situation and environment of abuse, what happens in cases where abusers ask for help & their victims do not want to leave the relationship? Nigerian Broadcast Journalist, Nelly Kalu and I discuss this on my radio show.…

  • I Deserve To Talk Anyhow, Dress Anyhow And Live Anyhow

    I listened to an excerpt of Sandra Ezekwesili’s radio show where she was discussing Nigeria’s increased rate of sexual assault on women. A man called into the program to say that the reason why men rape women is that “they talk anyhow” when approached or propositioned by men. At that moment, my head spun and my chest tightened in outrage. But Sandra asked the question that burned through my mind. She said “If you as a man talk anyhow to a fellow man, do you expect to get raped?” You already know what the answer was.     You know why my chest tightened when I heard that man’s words?…

  • A Thin Line Between Fame And Infamy

      “Glory is like a circle in the water, which never ceaseth to enlarge itself, till, by broad spreading, it disperse to naught.” – Shakespeare  I have never been famous. Probably will never be. So I can’t possibly pretend to know exactly how famous people think or exactly what their realities actually are. That being said, I have seen, read about, interacted and worked with famous people and I do know that there’s something about being known and being adored and almost hated in equal measure by hundreds of thousands of people that affects the way you see the world, the way you see people and the way you see…

  • I Can Handle This Moment

      If someone had prophesied the first quarter of the year 2020 to me, I would have thrown a glass of water in the person’s face and called the person a false prophet. As we wrap up the first 4 months of this year, it feels like I’ve gone through the entire year already. And I know I’m not alone here. We’re currently in the middle of a global health pandemic, an economic recession and everyone is living in uncertainty. Like you, I started this year with hope and expectations. I had it all mapped out. What I didn’t bargain for however was the emotional and psychological blow that was…

  • Longsuffering. The Nigerian Man’s Definition Of A Good Woman

    LONGSUFFERING DEFINITION: “having or showing patience in spite of troubles, especially those caused by other people.” The Nigerian man’s definition of a good woman is the “longsuffering” woman. The one who will take every bullshit, tolerate bad behaviour, live with disrespect and disloyalty. The one who can be lied to and is guaranteed to not ask questions. The one who will labour and grow old and brittle, still labouring without compensation or acknowledgement, help, relief or appreciation because she’s been told it’s her duty to labour. It’s what is expected. The one who will endure verbal, emotional, psychological and even physical abuse because she’s been told a ‘a good woman’…

  • Will You Attend My Funeral?

    In loving memory. Loving Daughter, Distant Cousin, Niece, Friend and what else? I’ve been thinking about my funeral lately. It looks like it’s going to be a sad affair. I will be the sad one. Sad; not just because I died, but because a good percentage of the miserably few people there will be there because it’s some kind of obligation. Some people have to be there to represent the family, and then who? People have their lives right? They’ll send thoughts and prayers to my family members they’ve never met, post my picture on their WhatsApp status for 24 hours and if I’m so lucky, I’ll get an Instagram…

  • My Safety Advisory For #DettyDecember

    It’s that time of the year again. When men and women, boys and girls come out to dance, play and party. If you have worked hard this year, you definitely deserve to turn up and groove. While you’re grooving however, let’s not forget we live among predators and rattlesnakes wearing human skin. While we have laboured this year to teach consent, educate and inform, pray and even persuade men not to assault us, let’s not leave our safety in the hands of men who have been raised to not care about our well-being. As you go out this season, make sure you have a fully charged cell phone with data…

  • Ending Violence Against Women Is Not “Feminist Work”; It’s Survival Work

      This morning, a young man who had set fire to his girlfriend was caught by neighbors. The girl was rescued with 70% of her body covered in 3rd degree burns. I watched the video in horror and while I’m clearly enraged by the injustice of it all, I am also filled with intense sadness at the inhumanity displayed. Once again, I am reminded (not that I need reminding) of why no woman can afford to sit on the sidelines on the issue of ending violence against women. This behavior didn’t happen in a vacuum. It is not unexplainable. It comes from a deeply rooted belief in the ‘ownership’ and…

  • About Jack Dorsey And His Nose Ring In Lagos

    Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey, has been in Lagos for a few days and he recently visited the university of Lagos and met with the Vice Chancellor in his office, where he was warmly welcomed by the school’s Management Team. This is a good thing for the school because the school was able to show off some of it’s tech programs and Jack participated in a small interractive session with select students. Great stuff. The thing is though; Jack wears a nose ring. Jack has tattoos. Why is that important?

  • I Didn’t Make Science Class; But I’m Here & I’m Winning!

    When I was growing up and in secondary school, it was not ‘cool’ to want to study anything outside medicine, law, engineering or accounting. Subjects like literature and history, were seen to be cheap and a cop out of ‘serious’ subjects like physics and chemistry and mathematics. Students like me were not particularly seen as smart because we were not in ‘science class’. To be in science class was to be in an elite group of ‘intelligent students’. The ones who will gain admissions to university. It was a thing parents even bragged with. “Tolu is in science class. He’s going to study medicine.” Being put in ‘arts class’ was…

  • Start Your Radio Career! Register For The Radio Master Class Today.

    Do you want to take classes in basic radio presentation and podcasting? A New session of The  Radio Masterclass starts in September. Here are answers to the FAQs 😊 1. Classes open Saturday September 7th. 2. Classes run on Saturdays for 5 Saturdays. from 9am – 4pm 3. Students will get a 2 weeks minimum internship opportunity with our media partners 4. Certificate is given to All students. 5. Classes hold at 51 Hughes avenue, alagomeji Yaba, LAGOS 6. Course materials will be given to all registered students 7. Basic educational requirement for training: SSCE certificate 8. Training fee is N30,000 9. Registration is OPEN NOW. REGISTER AND MAKE PAYMENT by…

  • Abortion Is Not A Dirty Word.

    Abortion is not a dirty word. Let’s get that out of the way first. The hushed whispers, the fear (real or imagined), is absolutely unnecessary. Abortions happen in Nigeria on a daily basis; illegal or not, unplanned pregnancies are getting aborted. Unfortunately, too many of those abortions are carried out in unsafe conditions by quacks. But get this, a large number of abortions are done by licensed medical professionals in private hospitals under the table because even though it’s illegal, private healthcare in Nigeria is about commerce. Doctors must eat; so for women who can afford to pay, an abortion doesn’t have to be unsafe. The illegal status this country…

  • I Bought Myself A Ring; and My Life Changed..

    If you have paid attention to the Nigerian news circle in the last few days, you must have seen the reports about the over 70 women that were accused of prostitution, abducted and then a number of them sexually assaulted by policemen in an illegal raid carried out in restaurants, bars and nightclubs in Abuja city center. As it is quite common in Nigeria’s largely discriminatory and gender biased culture, men were not arrested and women wearing wedding rings were freed because an outward ‘proof’ of being attached to a man can temporarily protect you from mob male assault. As a Nigerian woman who lives the experience everyday, being seen…

  • #FacebookChronicles: From Street To Corporate Begging; The Nigerian Hustle

    If you are middle-class like me, I am sure you receive a cry for financial assistance from a neighbor, or an old friend, or a colleague, or even an ex, at least once or twice a week. If you don’t receive these requests from people in your present or your past, I am sure you receive them from total strangers who walk up to you, look at the shine on your skin, decide it is from goat meat peppersoup and point-and-kill, not from the the blistering Abuja sun, then they conclude that you have enough to share. Clearly, there is an explosion of corporate street begging, and we respond in…

  • Guest Post : Oga Pastor, Don’t Teach Me Nonsense!

    Women have been saddled with the responsibility of bearing the burden of the reckless actions of men for millennia and each time we make advancement in dismantling these damaging traditions, there’s a pastor or some other religious leader, waiting to undo all our progress with a single sermon. A couple of weeks ago, we saw a pastor stand before a congregation and blame women for men’s promiscuity. We saw him describe men as beings with uncontrollable sexual impulses who depend on women for reminders of self control. This point of view sadly held by a largely patriachial religious community, is very damaging for women.