• #FacebookChronicles: From Street To Corporate Begging; The Nigerian Hustle

    If you are middle-class like me, I am sure you receive a cry for financial assistance from a neighbor, or an old friend, or a colleague, or even an ex, at least once or twice a week. If you don’t receive these requests from people in your present or your past, I am sure you receive them from total strangers who walk up to you, look at the shine on your skin, decide it is from goat meat peppersoup and point-and-kill, not from the the blistering Abuja sun, then they conclude that you have enough to share. Clearly, there is an explosion of corporate street begging, and we respond in…

  • Guest Post : Oga Pastor, Don’t Teach Me Nonsense!

    Women have been saddled with the responsibility of bearing the burden of the reckless actions of men for millennia and each time we make advancement in dismantling these damaging traditions, there’s a pastor or some other religious leader, waiting to undo all our progress with a single sermon. A couple of weeks ago, we saw a pastor stand before a congregation and blame women for men’s promiscuity. We saw him describe men as beings with uncontrollable sexual impulses who depend on women for reminders of self control. This point of view sadly held by a largely patriachial religious community, is very damaging for women.

  • Oluwaseun Ayodeji Osowobi has been named Commonwealth Young Person of the Year.

    Ayodeji Osowobi has been  helping thousands of sexual and domestic abuse victims through Stand To End Rape. She was presented with the award by Commonwealth Secretary-General Patricia Scotland at Marlborough House, the Commonwealth Secretariat’s London headquarters. She also received a prize of £5,000, which she will use to expand her activities in Nigeria. Oluwaseun, herself a survivor of sexual violence, set up the Stand to End Rape Initiative (STER) to provide support to women, men and young people who have experienced any form of gender-based abuse. She said: “This award reminds me that when young people don’t look away in the face of injustice, and say ‘no’ to cultural biases,…

  • Wanting The Sadness To Go

    I have thought about how to put this into words and there’s no other word than this one phrase: “It hurts”. It hurts like an open wound. When I found out I was pregnant in the early weeks of this year, It was the happiest and the scariest day of my life. But I was proud of myself. I felt like I had finally achieved something worth being proud of. (this might not make sense to you but for me, being a mother has been something I had wanted and waited for, for a long time) I felt like everything was finally working out. I felt blessed and I couldn’t…

  • Intimidation Is Nigerian.

    “Do you know who I am?” If you’re Nigerian, you’ve probably said this to someone or someone has said it to you at some point. Meant to intimidate, to silence and to generate deference to whatever unsavory and/or illegal act from the maker of the statement. That is the language of the Nigerian. Intimidation. We speak it, we understand it, we use it, we do not question it until we become the victims. And then, we turn around and do it to the next person. the bullied becoming the bully. We do it to each other. Someone owes you money and you pay a couple of policemen to arrest your…

  • I’m Snatching My Life Back

    Long time no read. While I can’t say my long absence has been deliberate, it turned out it was needed. I couldn’t help it anyway. Have you ever felt so overwhelmed with life in general? like things were happening so fast you couldn’t keep up? That’s what the past month or so, have felt like for me. As you know, I left my old job before Christmas and I moved into a new role somewhere else, less than a week later. It has been a roller coaster ever since. I have been physically, mentally and emotionally tired but I am on the good road to recovery. I have received good…

  • Can You Please Let Us Live? We’re Not Asking For Much

    When we talk about the rape culture in Nigeria and how the sexual assault of women is normalized, discussions become heated and victim blaming is rife. From being groped in the market to being groped at church, assaulted in public transport and raped in school, we can no longer deny that Nigerian women are not safe.

  • Questions For Your Mother..

    Sit down to an honest conversation with your mother. Ask her what living with your dad has been like over the years. Ask her what relationship with him felt like for her. Ask her if she ever had any regrets and what they were or are. Ask her if your father was or is everything she thought he would be. Ask her if she had to give up anything she wanted because she married your father. Ask what those things were. Ask her what her dreams and goals were when she was younger Bottom line, get to know your mother as a human being. Not just someone who took care…

  • OPPORTUNITY! Free Film-Making Boot Camp by Lagos Film Academy

    The Lagos Film Academy, powered by the Global Philanthropy Alliance, presents the ‘Film for Life’ project! The project, now it is third edition, is offering $5,000 worth of funding and support to a team of young aspiring filmmakers who want to make their first film! The top three teams who apply will be invited to an all expenses paid film-making boot camp, and the winning team will receive the $5,000 of support to make a short film to encourage citizen involvement and integrity in the electoral processes for Nigeria’s 2019 general elections. Applications are now open until 19 November, 2018, to youth based in Lagos, Nigeria. Applicants must be between the ages of 18 and 30 who are interested in making their first film. You are to apply in teams of three (3)consisting of a…

  • “Sorry; We’ve Decided To Go With Someone Else..”

    “I’m sorry, you’re not what we’re looking for at this moment” “We’ve decided to go with someone else” “We’ll call you back” “I’ll see what i can do but not making promises though” “It’s not you, it’s me” It might come in well phrased sentences and careful words, rejection is rejection and no matter how carefully it’s delivered, it blows and hurts like hell.  I’ve been on the receiving end of several of the above sentences and there’s no getting used to it.

  • For The Strong And Tired…

      It’s okay to be tired. You are not wonder woman.  You are human. Not a fictional all knowing, all powerful, freakishly strong larger than life character. Family, friends and colleagues might treat you that way sometimes, but your body and soul will tell you the truth when the pressure keeps piling. Being strong is good but it has its downsides.  Very few people stop to ask you if you’re okay. Very few people stop to consider your needs and there’s a general assumption that you are always fine. Well, because you and I know better, here are ways you can de-stress and take care of yourself when you feel…

  • In Loving Memory…

    This is not an obituary even if it’s titled like one. This is a tribute. To a place we loved. A place many of us called home. Some of us found our voices there, some of us strengthened our voices there. Some discovered purpose and some discovered themselves.

  • Can I Be Happy Now?

    I recently just checked out Google’s definition of “Happy”. Apparently it’s ‘feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.’ Interesting. I checked because I have been wondering if I’m really happy or if I’m as happy as I should be or if I should be happy at all. I’ve been thinking … Who determines what should make me happy ? Who measures the degree of my happiness and sets the level it should be? At what stage of life am I ‘allowed’ to be happy ? Can I choose to be happy now even when I haven’t met all the criteria that determines happiness ? Can I feel or show pleasure and…

  • A Collection Of Really Bad Advice

    This weekend I attended a wedding. My 24 year old cousin, got married to her college sweetheart and it was a colorful family affair. For several weeks, I struggled with the decision to attend. Not because I wasn’t happy with and for her, but because I find extended family events quite stressful and to be honest, financially draining. But then, I am my mother’s only child and if you’re familiar with Nigerian family dynamics, you know she’ll be miserable if her only child is the one missing from an all important family affair. See, I haven’t been home in four years. (long story) and so this wedding was going to…

  • Your Husband Is A Predator.

    Dear Madam, your maid did not “seduce” your husband. Your husband is a grown man with his mind intact, made a decision to take advantage of your maid. He didn’t have sex with her because “you were not there to give him enough”. He didn’t have sex with her because “her food was delicious” He didn’t have sex with her because “she dressed in short skirt” He didn’t have sex with her because “he couldn’t help himself” He didn’t have sex with her because “he was charmed” He didn’t have sex with her because of a myriad of other reasons you’ve been told. He made her his sex object because…