• Doreen On Loving Yourself: “Let honesty be a kind teacher & not a cruel one”

    It’s a lot easier to love yourself when you like yourself; When you like who you are & how you are. One of the greatest ways to start liking yourself if you already don’t, is to begin with honesty. There is such an appreciation you experience when you come clean to yourself. It may be a little awkward at first being that honest with yourself, but the more you are, the more you begin to see the importance in saying out loud your fears, hearing them sound so very human, which helps you realize the work you have to do. Don’t ignore doing the work. Doing the work on yourself…

  • Shyness Is Not A Virtue. “Quiet” Is Not A Compliment.

    “pushy”, “forward”, “demanding”. Words  usually accociated with women who are not hesitant about asking for what they want. It’s society’s way of keeping women under and behind. It’s been perfected for decades such that girls are socialized from early on, to not ask for what they want but to pretend they don’t want it while using all sorts of roundabout “schemes” hoping to get it.

  • How To Be Christian In Nigeria

    Being a Christian in Nigeria is not enough. You have to be a good Christian. A God-fearing one. In Nigeria, being God fearing is very important. it’s the only qualification that matter. If you’re a man, being God fearing is enough to make you marriage worthy. But as a Nigerian, It’s not enough that you’re God fearing though, you must be seen to be. Afterall, what use is your fear of God if everyone cannot see it and commend you for being such a God fearing person? So make sure everyone knows how God fearing you are. Make sure you have a bold church bumper sticker that says “I am…

  • This Thing About Forgiveness..

    Forgiveness cannot be forced. You can’t coerce or guilt people into forgiving. We all deal with pain differently and take time to process differently. I don’t advice people, preach or worse, guilt trip people with religious quotes into forgiving those who have wronged them. I used to do that. But not anymore. Why? Because I hate it when it’s done to me, and truth is, it doesn’t work. One more thing we need to understand about forgiveness is, choosing to let go of the pain doesn’t mean wanting to go back to the way things were. Some relationships are not meant to be repaired. Family, friends, lovers, whatever you were…

  • GUEST POST: I Am Every Woman – By @NellyLaoni

    In 1978, Chaka Khan debuted her first solo album ‘Chaka’, it included her major hit as solo artiste ‘I’m every woman’. It was later introduced to a much younger audience by Whitney Houston in 1992. The lyrics simply states that “every woman” is a man’s dream. She can do anything, feed him, have great sex with him, soothe his fears and protect him from danger. She affirms all of these without bragging because she’s confident in her magic. According to Chaka and Whitney, the “every woman” is a cook, courtesan, nurse, shaman and mother. This was nothing new. These women did not invent this ideal. They are only passing down…

  • A little Thought About Feeling ‘Used’…

    For a long time, I had a problem with “being used.” You know that situation where people come to you for reasons that benefit them alone. From “picking your brain” for ideas, to asking you to use your skills and sometimes providing your intellectual property. Your time, energy, sometimes emotional labour is spent and when they’ve gotten what they wanted, it’s like you don’t exist. I used to feel bad about this. I don’t anymore. You see, I’ve come to view life from a different perspective. Someone once said “people only come to a tree that has fruits” Nobody gives a rat about an empty individual. So when I get…

  • “Sorry; We’ve Decided To Go With Someone Else..”

    “I’m sorry, you’re not what we’re looking for at this moment” “We’ve decided to go with someone else” “We’ll call you back” “I’ll see what i can do but not making promises though” “It’s not you, it’s me” It might come in well phrased sentences and careful words, rejection is rejection and no matter how carefully it’s delivered, it blows and hurts like hell.  I’ve been on the receiving end of several of the above sentences and there’s no getting used to it.

  • All I Wanted Was My Own Daddy

    My dad walked away before I was born. So I was told. He wasn’t a deadbeat or irresponsible father. He was there for his other children. His “recognised or “legitimate” ones. For a long time I took the blame on myself without even realising it. I thought something was wrong with me. The rejection was personal. My mother loved me and was there in every way she could, but there was always that empty space she couldn’t fill. Where is my father? Why didn’t come for me? Will he ever come? Why doesn’t he love me?

  • The Church ‘Under Attack’? OK Then! Let It Be!

    The religious establishment felt under attack when Jesus started calling them out on their hypocrisy and selfishness. The church felt under attack the moment Martin Luther posted his thesis on the door and called out the extortion of the poor and sale of indulgences. If the 21st century church is feeling under attack today, it’s because capitalist Christianity and Pentecostalism is a cancer that must be uprooted and burned. The questions being asked are uncomfortable. Your favorite religious leaders and mentors are being scrutinized and it’s scary. I understand. It’s painful. But it’s necessary. This tower of corruption we have erected needs to be pulled down. The church is not…

  • Staying Free From Social Media Toxicity

    We all know how important it is to give our bodies a break from toxic substances. The word ‘toxic’ by itself scares us and warns us to stay away. And for the most part, we do because we love our health and we want to stay alive. So much has also been said about ‘toxic relationships and toxic friendships’ and how it’s important to identify them and avoid them for our mental health and emotional well-being. We read those articles and probably hear those TED talks and sermons but we still expose ourselves to toxicity every day. How? Through our social media feeds. The rise and popularity of social media…

  • #PressForProgress – Live Your Truth. No Permission Needed.

      I didn’t grow up thinking i was female. Sounds rather odd doesn’t it? Let me explain myself better.  I was a creative child and i discovered it early enough. I knew i could sing, write, talk a mouthful and be the center of attention in any group and i did all those naturally without thinking for a second about being a girl while doing them. Then Church happened.  And life happened. I was told you’re a girl, don’t be so outspoken You’re a girl, you shouldn’t always be in front You’re a girl, don’t be so loud You’re a girl, you shouldn’t want to be the leader   Women…

  • The Nigerian Woman Gets No Justice

    The more i see a powerful media, political or Hollywood figure get fired over allegations of sexual misconduct, the sadder i become. Not sad that these men are getting ousted or facing the consequences of their vile actions, sad that Nigerian women cannot partake of this wave of justice sweeping across the united States. The Nigerian woman has no one to stand up for her. The law is not on her side and the court of public opinion is largely influenced by a culture of patriarchy and victim blaming.

  • Stop Telling Me To ‘Get Used To It’!

    There is no fancy way of saying this; i am sick and tired of being told to ‘get used to it’. When boys pull my hair on the playing ground and laugh at my embarrassment while they push me to the ground, don’t tell me to get used to it because after all, ‘boys are just being boys ‘. When boys stalk me on the way home after class in secondary school, catcalling and whistling, pointing and laughing at my pubescent body, don’t tell me to get used to it because ‘I’m a girl and i should be flattered because it means the boys like me’.

  • #Equality; Let Your Life Be The Protest

    Conversations about gender equality had dominated the social media space (in Nigeria)this past week and everyone has been in a tizzy about it. As a Nigerian woman, raised in a largely patriarchal society, and seeing the injustice of unequal opportunities, you can understand how much i will push back against the boundaries and the system that creates those boundaries. As a Nigerian, christian woman however, things get a little tricky. Tricky because the injustice and inequality gets wrapped up in nice religious rhetoric and coated with wrongly interpreted scripture and poorly taught theology.

  • About Tasha Cobbs, Nikki Minaj & A Taxi Driver…

    Last night I was hanging out with friends on the mainland and we had planned a Friday night turn up when I suddenly felt a strong urge to get up and go home. I opened my taxi app and hailed a ride. Taxi showed up and called me that he was outside the venue waiting so I said a quick goodbye and went outside. For some weird reason, I got outside and found out he had cancelled my ride so I booked another one. About 10 minutes of arguing on the phone about parking space and I had to cancel again. By this time I was getting slightly irritated. Well,…