• This Thing About Forgiveness..

    Forgiveness cannot be forced. You can’t coerce or guilt people into forgiving. We all deal with pain differently and take time to process differently. I don’t advice people, preach or worse, guilt trip people with religious quotes into forgiving those who have wronged them. I used to do that. But not anymore. Why? Because I hate it when it’s done to me, and truth is, it doesn’t work. One more thing we need to understand about forgiveness is, choosing to let go of the pain doesn’t mean wanting to go back to the way things were. Some relationships are not meant to be repaired. Family, friends, lovers, whatever you were…

  • GUEST POST: I Am Every Woman – By @NellyLaoni

    In 1978, Chaka Khan debuted her first solo album ‘Chaka’, it included her major hit as solo artiste ‘I’m every woman’. It was later introduced to a much younger audience by Whitney Houston in 1992. The lyrics simply states that “every woman” is a man’s dream. She can do anything, feed him, have great sex with him, soothe his fears and protect him from danger. She affirms all of these without bragging because she’s confident in her magic. According to Chaka and Whitney, the “every woman” is a cook, courtesan, nurse, shaman and mother. This was nothing new. These women did not invent this ideal. They are only passing down…

  • A little Thought About Feeling ‘Used’…

    For a long time, I had a problem with “being used.” You know that situation where people come to you for reasons that benefit them alone. From “picking your brain” for ideas, to asking you to use your skills and sometimes providing your intellectual property. Your time, energy, sometimes emotional labour is spent and when they’ve gotten what they wanted, it’s like you don’t exist. I used to feel bad about this. I don’t anymore. You see, I’ve come to view life from a different perspective. Someone once said “people only come to a tree that has fruits” Nobody gives a rat about an empty individual. So when I get…

  • “Sorry; We’ve Decided To Go With Someone Else..”

    “I’m sorry, you’re not what we’re looking for at this moment” “We’ve decided to go with someone else” “We’ll call you back” “I’ll see what i can do but not making promises though” “It’s not you, it’s me” It might come in well phrased sentences and careful words, rejection is rejection and no matter how carefully it’s delivered, it blows and hurts like hell.  I’ve been on the receiving end of several of the above sentences and there’s no getting used to it.

  • All I Wanted Was My Own Daddy

    My dad walked away before I was born. So I was told. He wasn’t a deadbeat or irresponsible father. He was there for his other children. His “recognised or “legitimate” ones. For a long time I took the blame on myself without even realising it. I thought something was wrong with me. The rejection was personal. My mother loved me and was there in every way she could, but there was always that empty space she couldn’t fill. Where is my father? Why didn’t come for me? Will he ever come? Why doesn’t he love me?

  • The Church ‘Under Attack’? OK Then! Let It Be!

    The religious establishment felt under attack when Jesus started calling them out on their hypocrisy and selfishness. The church felt under attack the moment Martin Luther posted his thesis on the door and called out the extortion of the poor and sale of indulgences. If the 21st century church is feeling under attack today, it’s because capitalist Christianity and Pentecostalism is a cancer that must be uprooted and burned. The questions being asked are uncomfortable. Your favorite religious leaders and mentors are being scrutinized and it’s scary. I understand. It’s painful. But it’s necessary. This tower of corruption we have erected needs to be pulled down. The church is not…

  • Staying Free From Social Media Toxicity

    We all know how important it is to give our bodies a break from toxic substances. The word ‘toxic’ by itself scares us and warns us to stay away. And for the most part, we do because we love our health and we want to stay alive. So much has also been said about ‘toxic relationships and toxic friendships’ and how it’s important to identify them and avoid them for our mental health and emotional well-being. We read those articles and probably hear those TED talks and sermons but we still expose ourselves to toxicity every day. How? Through our social media feeds. The rise and popularity of social media…

  • Help @Chude Raise N10M to Build A Depression & Trauma Centre For Young People

    I am almost ashamed to say this now because I had no excuse. My parents were not rich, but they were not poor. They sent me to good schools. They had a marriage that was difficult sometimes, but they stayed together because of me; it was a good marriage, and they never projected pain or trauma unto me. My life has had no abuse of any sort (not even verbal abuse by my mother), and I have been loved and validated by my parents every day of my life. Yet even with all this reinforcement, when I left their protective arms and went into the world, it frightened me. There…

  • #PressForProgress – Live Your Truth. No Permission Needed.

      I didn’t grow up thinking i was female. Sounds rather odd doesn’t it? Let me explain myself better.  I was a creative child and i discovered it early enough. I knew i could sing, write, talk a mouthful and be the center of attention in any group and i did all those naturally without thinking for a second about being a girl while doing them. Then Church happened.  And life happened. I was told you’re a girl, don’t be so outspoken You’re a girl, you shouldn’t always be in front You’re a girl, don’t be so loud You’re a girl, you shouldn’t want to be the leader   Women…

  • Soul Detoxifying Worship

    Thinking aloud the other day, i said I needed some form of therapy.  I had been feeling stressed, dissatisfied, worried and angry. I felt like i lived in a pressure cooker and any minute, i would blow a lid at the slightest provocation. Last weekend was the last straw.  I had an expectation that ended in disappointment and i was so hurt. All previous emotions kicked in and i was so miserable. But then, the week started with Chude inviting me for a worship session for a small group of friends.  It was exactly what I needed. Just singing songs of worship, i dropped all my burdens and worries and…

  • Finding Love, Staying Loved & Giving Love

    I have always been infatuated with the idea of love. The grand romantic gestures described in novels and watched in Hollywood romantic comedies and my own overactive imagination fuelled my idealism. When i was growing up, i was always falling in and out of love even when i had no idea what it meant to be loved or to love someone else. My encounter with Jesus taught me to view life differently but it is really my relationship with him that has changed my knowledge of what love really is. Whether it is romantic or otherwise. Relationship with Jesus showed me that i am already loved and taught me to…

  • He Chose Me! Can You Believe That?!

    “You were in a faraway country, but I reached out to you. I called you from that faraway place. I said, ‘You are my servant.’ I chose you, and I have not rejected you. ” – Isaiah 41:9 ERV This verse is the story of my life. For so long i didn’t know though and even now, i sometimes need reminders. These days, i find myself marvelling at how God could take an obscure small town girl raised by an average single parent, insecure, hurt, broken and abused, put all that together and create something and someone beautiful and extraordinary.

  • Fixing My Focus

    Ordinarily, because this is my first post for 2018, i would have written something motivational about ‘new year goals’ or such and such but for some reason, my first post of the year is a message i had been receiving for myself. Sometime ago, i listened to a sermon preached by Pastor Steven Furtick called  “fix your focus” and that title had been ringing in my head these past few days. Whatever you focus on, you’ll inevitably magnify. There are so many things competing for attention in our lives.  Our careers, our finances, our spouses, children, health, even the nation’s political issues. One thing I’ve found out though, these issues…

  • The Nigerian Woman Gets No Justice

    The more i see a powerful media, political or Hollywood figure get fired over allegations of sexual misconduct, the sadder i become. Not sad that these men are getting ousted or facing the consequences of their vile actions, sad that Nigerian women cannot partake of this wave of justice sweeping across the united States. The Nigerian woman has no one to stand up for her. The law is not on her side and the court of public opinion is largely influenced by a culture of patriarchy and victim blaming.

  • “When They Go Low, We Go High”

    When Michelle Obama said that famous quote;  “when they go low, we go high”, she probably did not know the depth of the revelation she had tapped into. “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:9 Life’s situations and ups and downs affect the way we think about ourselves and our circumstances. Bumps and mishaps on the journey of life will make us think little of ourselves sometimes, thoughts of inadequacy, failure and helplessness.