• ‘I didn’t think I was going to be the mom of one; Now I have two boys’ – Toolz

    Losing a child is traumatic enough but losing a child and believing it’s your fault is worse. On this week’s episode of #WithChude, media personality Tolu Oniru, popularly known as Toolz, opens up to host Chude Jideonwo about dealing with the loss of her first pregnancy, her father’s death and a COVID infected family.  Going from making full-blown plans to decorate a nursery to receiving the incapacitating news that she will never hold her child was far more than the Celebrity could bear.   Recounting this experience, she said, “The doctor walked up to me and said, ‘I don’t think your baby is going to survive another week.’ I remember…

  • Nobody Wants You: Recovering from abandonment anxiety

    Nobody wants you.Nobody really likes you.Nobody loves you.People will always leave you. Negative words but a recurring theme I’ve been fighting since I became self-aware. I didn’t always know I was telling myself these things, or that  I was believing them and internalizing them; I used to think I was protecting myself from getting hurt. I didn’t know how badly I was hurting myself. I was a child of abandonment. Both physically and emotionally. Read about it  -> HERE Abandonment anxiety is a thing and I struggled with it for a long time; In life and in relationships. To a degree, I still do. The difference is, now I know…

  • Yomi Fabiyi Is Yoruba Nollywood Scapegoat Today, But The Problem Is Bigger

    Like the hundreds of thousands of other people on social media today, I watched the video of Nollywood Yoruba actress, Iyabo Ojo calling out one of their own, Yomi Fabiyi, for his attempt at defending a rapist actor who was arrested recently. Read Story Here: According to Iyabo Ojo, Yomi had asked for ‘evidence’ which was a CCTV recording of the assault on the 14 year old victim. This was Iyabo’s reply to that: This is the part where I must say I’m super impressed that Iyabo is speaking out without mincing words. In an industry that is closeted and cliques abound, stepping out when other colleagues have been silent…

  • I Am Tired Of Raising Awareness

    I woke up with a burst of energy this morning and i decided to put on some music and do some cleaning. While dusting my bookshelf, my eye fell on this hardcover publication shoved somewhere in the back. I took it out and it was my hardback copy of my final year research project. Circa 2005. “The Media And Public Attitude Towards Women And Sexual Violence” That was my project topic to fulfil academic requirements to be able to graduate from the department of Mass Communication, University of Maiduguri. I remember back in 2005, in a northern conservative environment, it wasn’t an easy subject to research or write. Lecturers and…

  • I Used To Hate My Body

    One day I was on the beach with a friend and as we strolled down the ocean’s edge, we looked at other beach goers in bikinis and gossiped about everyone. Of course, we talked about what they wore and the various bodies on display. What I remember about that conversation was when at one point, she said to me “I wish I have your confidence to wear whatever I like”. I remember smiling and saying, it’s because i have literally stopped caring about not just what people think about my body, but what I think too. I smiled to myself because that confidence didn’t come cheap. See, I grew up…

  • How Lagos Theatre Festival 2021 delivered A Reckless Art Weekend

    The virtual community was saturated at the weekend when the largest performing arts festival in Nigeria and West Africa, Lagos Theatre Festival (LTF), held its 8th virtual edition. With its theme:‘RECKLESS ART’; an embodiment of an Out of Bounds movement and the belief that art should be created with reckless abandon and no limits, the festival was replete with inspiring and evocative art. The LTF, founded by the British Council in 2013 as part of its ambitions to foster exchange, collaboration, and strengthen relationships between Nigerian and British artists through the presentation of high quality Nigerian and British theatre, has so far, reached over 770 million people online so it…

  • Davido Was Right; Love Is Sweeter With Money

    Today’s social media argument is about women, love and money. (as usual). This tweet is the root of the argument: I’ve been seeing several ‘hot takes’ from (mostly) women twisting themselves into pretzels trying to prove that money is not usually a factor in who a woman chooses to be with, and I’m personally incensed at the dishonesty of it all. (I call it dishonesty because i don’t want to believe any woman old enough to independently date men in 2021 is naïve like that) Of course money is important. Of course money plays a major role. As much as we like to say and believe that if a woman…

  • Why I’m Happy That Marriages No Longer Last

    I’m very happy that marriages these days no longer last as long as they used to in the days of our parents and grandparents. A lot of marriages were (are) held together by the women. (They even preach about it with all that talk about a woman “keeping her home”) No one ever accuses a man of not being able to “keep his home”. But I digress. Back in those days, a lot of women were not financially independent and they depended on men for provision so they endured unhappy marriages and oftentimes traumatic conditions just to keep a roof over their heads and their children. Even when they had…

  • Welcome To The Horny 30s

    One of the best things about being a 30plus woman is the sexual freedom  and the premium orgasms that come with it. Now, there is no magic wand and an abracadabra spell that suddenly turns things around for you immediately you clock 30, (in fact, some of the changes will happen a few years in) so you need to understand that on some level, you’ll have to work on yourself to turn shit up. That being said, there are certain changes that will occur because of your unique biology as a woman and you’ll learn quickly enough to enjoy it and take advantage of it. University of Texas psychologist, David…

  • Nigerian Radio Presenters and The Payola Question

    Once again, the age-old payola question is being debated in the Nigerian Music and Media Industry. Payola; exchanging money for radio airplay. I shared my views about this in an article I wrote in 2013, when the subject came up on social media, with emerging artistes expressing pain and frustration at the unfair system designed to keep radio airplay for only artistes that can afford to plug their music or ones with major label backing. My views from 2013 has not changed; however, a lot has changed in the Industry since then and I have been around, seen and experienced things, talked to various players and I’ll be adding those…

  • About this obsessive fear of the naked woman

    The policing of women’s bodies has always been an issue all around the world. Women’s bodies and the relationship between women’s bodies and culture, customand honour, has been the foundation of violence against women for years Female sexuality and the policing of it continually leads to the shaming of women, the ostracising of women, and the mutilation of women’s bodies. Female genital mutilation, abortion laws, virginity testing, denial of access to birth control, forced abstinence are all ways women’s bodies are policed

  • Worried about being scammed by online vendors? Check out my list of trusted plugs for what you need

    Ecommerce has been around for a while now, and while it’s given people like me all kinds of convenience and flexibility in making purchases, it hasn’t completely erased my underlying trust issues. And I have good reasons to not be completely trusting too; especially when dealing with Nigerian retailers in Nigeria. Just go through social media timelines talking about vendors and you’ll read the horror stories. From failed deliveries, to damaged products, false advertising, horrible customer service to outright fraud. As someone who does over 70% of my shopping online (including food), over time, I have developed a personalized list of tried and trusted vendors and I believe i will…

  • Things are ‘Falling In Line’ for DavidB, With New Release For ‘These Crazy Times’

    After 2 and a half years of not releasing original music, DavidB is back giving us a timeless classic with ‘Fall In Line”. The up-tempo motivational record was released in December of 2020 and has been the anthem of many since then. DavidB taps into his gospel roots; taking us to church as the song progresses in 5 key changes, an abundance of riffs and runs, growls, and sermon-worthy adlibs. DavidB features singers: Solomon Akinsanya and Neusongs and the track ends with sincere vocals from his nephew and niece. “This song for me, musically, was just an honest expression of how I felt without over thinking how it fits in…

  • Skinfinity Esthetics Clinic opens bigger wellness spa in Lekki

    A good skin care routine is only as good as the products you use they say. But while good quality products can help your skin look better now as well as in the future, knowing where to get the products and the right professionals to consult is even more important. Skinfinity Esthetics Clinic in Lagos has been taking care of Nigerian women since 2019 and the brand has grown from skincare products retail to a full Esthetics clinic with licensed professionals to cater to a wide variety of skin types. This January, the clinic opened in it’s bigger space, to accommodate more clients and provide more treatment needs. This time,…

  • Dunsin Oyekan’s ‘The Gospel Of The Kingdom’ threatens to send me back to church

    I hardly review albums (especially not gospel music) but here are a few thoughts about Dunsin Oyekan’s ‘The Gospel Of The Kingdom’ album: This album has an Incredible spiritual element; You can’t ignore the feeling from the very first listen. From the very beginning, you can feel the worship from right inside you. (and no, it’s not the emotion that playing great chords bring. We used to call them church chords. Instrumentalists will know this) The Sound recording is top notch and the vocals are great. The background vocals make me want to be in a choir with them. Dunsin’s charismatic and powerful vocals also carry the songs well Church…