This is why you’re bad at giving head

I don’t think I have written explicitly about sex like this on this blog before. Not that anything has been stopping me, I’ve just never considered putting my thoughts out here before (especially since I sometimes share my opinion on other platforms).

Well, now, I have a few things to say and i have decided to say them here.

A man once said to me that he considers himself quite good at eating p**sy. (Don’t ask me what we were talking about or how we got to that subject).

Anyway, when he said that, I smiled to myself because as a 30+ Nigerian woman whose dating/sexual history involves Nigerian men 90% of the time, I’ve lost count of how many times men humble brag about their head game only to turn out average at best.

Funny thing is I’m not even judging. And that’s because I know that growing up in a society like ours, our sexuality has been repressed for a long time.

Millennial men are doing their best to step out of the inhibitions and negative stereotypes towards oral sex we were all raised with; however, Nigerian women who are not used to giving honest feedback or vocalising their expectations make their jobs a little more difficult.

So we have men giving themselves a pat on the back for what is mediocre tongue work at best because as far as they know, no woman they’ve been with has complained.

But enough of all that. Women deserve premium orgasms and these men deserve to know how they can up their game and have a better time. Let’s begin:

You’re eating that p**sy wrong if you’re doing these uderlisted things:

1.Diving straight in:

Quickies are fun and there are days and moods for it but that can’t be your standard MO.

Really good p**sy eating requires some build-up and tension. Use your mouth around her vagina first.

After she’s warmed up a bit, start by using your tongue on her inner thighs and labia — don’t just dive in and attack her clitoris right away.

While many women can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation, it’s also an incredibly sensitive part of the human body, and jumping right at it can feel jarring and unpleasant.

Try flattening your tongue and licking up her entire vulva, stopping short of the clitoris. Gently suck on her labia, teasing her and again, building tension.

When she can’t take the suspense anymore, you’ll know, because she’ll start thrusting her hips towards your face, or she’ll literally ask for more.

2. Staying Mute:

Personally, I find this most uncomfortable and creepy.  Please use your words. If you’re feeling it, we want to hear it. We like feedback too. It’s sexy as f**k.

Asking for directions is also not just hot, but it improves your performance ratings.

You also have to understand that a lot of Nigerian women are used to not saying anything if they’re not liking what you’re doing and they’ll just endure in silence.

But you’ll be surprised how they’ll open up with a lover who communicates. 

This is a two person dance we’re doing here so give feedback and ask for feedback.

Moan, talk dirty, whatever… just don’t stay silent like a ghost.

3. You Don’t Have Rhythm:

Orgasms for women are highly dependent on steady rhythm and pressure so when you fail to establish a rhythm, it can quite quickly become a drag.

Going too quickly can make it dramatically harder for her to achieve orgasm, but slower, steady pacing can ensure she gets off regularly.

If she wants you to go faster, her body will tell you if you’ve been paying attention or she will say it herself. Otherwise keep the pressure and pace steady even as she approaches orgasm.

4. Your Teeth Gets In The Way:

I beg you in the name of Jupiter and all the Angels, keep your teeth out of the way. The same way you don’t want teeth on your penis, is the same way we don’t want you accidentally chewing our clitoris off.

The clitoris is a small bump at the top of her vulva, where the labia meets.

It often swells the way your penis does when you’re aroused, enlarging as blood flow increases. It’s covered by the clitoral hood, which is exactly what it sounds like.

By gently pushing the hood back, you can expose the clit itself but be wary of direct stimulation, as the clitoris is extremely sensitive.

Please don’t “spell alphabet” or whatever. 
Flicking your tongue side-to-side across the clit, or swirling it around the hood will get the job done.

Just remember: constant, consistent pressure and technique are key.

5. You’re Afraid Of Sex Toys:

Don’t worry uncle, sex toys are not and will not be a replacement for your penis; but they exist for a reason.

Tongues get tired and hands ache. Toys are fun and can be helpful.

Trust me, we are very good using our vibrators and dildos by ourselves but we could have way more fun using them with you.

Finally, please trim your nails and keep your hands clean. If you’re going to be putting your fingers in any woman’s vagina, the least you can do is not to scratch her with your sharp nails and expose her to an infection from the dirt under your nails.

Remember nobody was born with a natural skill for oral sex. We all learn and practice and adapt as the need arises so stay open to learning.

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