Today’s social media argument is about women, love and money. (as usual). This tweet is the root of the argument:
I’ve been seeing several ‘hot takes’ from (mostly) women twisting themselves into pretzels trying to prove that money is not usually a factor in who a woman chooses to be with, and I’m personally incensed at the dishonesty of it all. (I call it dishonesty because i don’t want to believe any woman old enough to independently date men in 2021 is naïve like that)
Of course money is important. Of course money plays a major role. As much as we like to say and believe that if a woman likes a man enough, she will not mind his financial status, let’s get real with ourselves for a minute.
Dates cost money. (even if you hang out in each other’s houses most of the time to cut costs, you will still need to go out to fun places once in a while or you’ll bore each other to death.) The cheapest dates to the cinema, a picnic in the park, a nice restaurant, they all cost money.
Doing ‘romantic things’ cost money; spontaneous gifts, weekend getaways, they are not free either.
Now let’s get down to practicalities. Say you are a nice guy dating a nice girl. You live in your cute ‘one room self-contain’ in Surulere and earn a monthly salary of N80,000 and your girlfriend lives in Ajah. Both of you are on the same earning level.
You both have living expenses, family to take care of and savings to consider. In all of this, you both want to have some change to spend time with each other and entertain yourselves and do nice things for each other.
Of course, the ideal thing is for both of you to to cut your cloth according to your sizes and BOTH figure out a way to make your relationship thrive within your budget.
However, you should be aware of one very important fact: FINANCIAL FREEDOM AND SECURITY IS VERY ATTRACTIVE
If a competitor comes along and shows your girlfriend a life where she doesn’t have to critically study the menu to select the cheapest meal every time you go out; a life where delivery packages come knocking every other week; a life where she gets a phone call on random Fridays to pack her bags for the weekend, trust me my dear, you are losing that babe to the competition.
See, quality time and words of affirmation is sweeter inside Mercedes Benz than inside Danfo. You cannot compete with that.
So what to do? Nothing. Life is unfair like that.
Well…. not really…
So here is the thing; BE HONEST FROM THE JUMP. The reason why so many men lose their women to higher income individuals is because they didn’t handle it well from the start. Let me break it down like this:
When you meet a new girl you like and you’re talking and everything seems to be going good; DO NOT MISREPRESENT YOURSELF. I know it’s tempting to want to talk big and create an impression that you are ‘loaded’ or not struggling, but doing that will come and bite you in the ass. I’m not saying lay all your problems on the woman when you’re courting her, but be very honest about where you are in life. You don’t have to share details of your salary but make it clear in conversations that you’re a working class Nigerian with a working class income.
Don’t pose with your friend’s big car. Don’t snap pictures in houses that do not belong to you. ( one guy did this to me a long time ago. He was living with his mother and posting pictures of himself in his elder sister’s house while we were at the talking stage)
If you have rich or famous acquaintances or even friends or family members, don’t name drop to create the impression that you are on the same level with those people.
Another thing: when you are courting, DO NOT ESTABLISH A PRECEDENT THAT YOU CANNOT KEEP UP: I see this happen a lot and it absolutely pisses me off. If you know you will not be able to afford taking her out every weekend, do not start it at the talking stage because you were trying to impress her. If you know you cannot maintain a certain kind of expense when you go out, do not create the impression that it’s regular for you.
Contrary to what you might have been told, GROWN WOMEN APPRECIATE SINCERITY AND RECOGNIZE HONESTY WHEN THEY SEE IT.
At the talking stage, have conversations about where you are financially and be honest with it. The woman who wants to be with you, will be with you. The one who doesn’t want to be, will choose not to be; and that’s completely fair.