No you’re not ‘catching feelings’, you’re just horny

When I was growing up, one of the lessons we learned in youth chapel was how to differentiate between love and lust.

Of course the lesson was skewered from the beginning because it was more about warning us to avoid pre-marital sex than teaching us anything about understanding our bodies and how it worked.

Sexual chemistry is an interesting subject. But because it is not a subject often discussed and taught to us while we were growing up as young women, it is less understood and has become this ‘thing’ we feel but hardly process properly

So many hearts have  been broken and tears cried because of confusing sexual chemistry with real emotional connection.

Sexual chemistry have a way of blocking out some of the most important things that sustain a relationship. 

Say you like this person – they’re attractive, you feel comfortable in their company, and you want to hang out all the time. Why?

You feel a certain way when you’re around them right?  Your dopamine and serotonin (hormones that are triggered during sexual excitement) levels are at work here and this is the time to pay attention to more than how you feel in your body.

Someone once told me it’s a good idea to masturbate before going on a date with a guy that you really like. That way, you can get the horniness out of the way and get on with the date with your clear eye.

I remember laughing at the time but it turned out to be a pretty good idea.

Because girl; “konji na bastard”.  Especially if you haven’t had sex in a while.  If you don’t get a handle on it, you’ll confuse your need for physical touch with real emotional connection and it can only end badly.

My opinion? Every woman must invest in her orgasms. Take responsibility for it by making sure that you get some when you need some. Stop starving yourself. That’s what dildos, rabbits, and vibrators are for.

The less horny you are, the less you are likely to confuse sexual chemistry with feelings; So before you send that “I miss you” text, use your vibrator. You just might find out you don’t really wanna text anymore.

Love is not urgent. It is not in a hurry. When you connect with someone that’s right for you, you’ll go through the stages of falling in love which, of course, include sexual attraction, but you will want more as you become attracted to their personality and will want to attach to them.

Admittedly It’s tough in the early days of a relationship, to see the difference between sexual chemistry and actual compatibility, and what it is exactly that separates lust from love.

You’re going to have to trust your instincts, stay true to your values and really know what you want in a relationship, then you’ll discover that only the people on the same page as you will end up sticking around.

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