Young Woman, Here’s A Letter Form Your Sister @Judicaelle_

July 14, 2020
I grew up alone. The things I learned about being a girl and then being a grown woman, I learned along the way, through my own mistakes and figuring life out on the journey.
It’s been a long, bumpy and painful road and while I appreciate every step and every lesson, I wish I didn’t have to go through so much or make so many hurtful mistakes.  I wish I had someone to teach, guide or even advice me.
That’s why when i stumbled on a Twitter thread by Judicaelle Irakoze, it felt like I was reading a letter from the sister I never had.  She spoke to the 20 year old me.
I have shared the thread here because I want you to read it and hopefully learn from it like I have learned. Some of the words are familiar because we’ve heard them spoken before but putting it down like this touches the soul in a deeper way.
I have never met Judicaelle but she is someone who inspires me so much with her work and her advocacy.  Please read her note and follow her on Twitter too.

 

I have just seen new young women under 25 who follow me. I have just reached 25 but honestly I have lived much more ( blame on leaving my parents house at a young age).

I am doing 20 things i want every girl to know and make room for. This is my life experiences

Discover who you are as a human being, make room for your worst self. Yes, meet that person you hide from the public. Love her, love her unconditionally, as unloving you think she is.
Do it urgently so no one use against you the ugly parts of yourself you haven’t accepted
2. Trauma actually never truly ends. Your wounded self is there somewhere, sometimes quiet because life moved on. Sit with your trauma at your own pace.This means also knowing your triggers

Your trauma is part of you, you will learn how to deal with it. Give it time and do it gently

3. Oh my darling, womanhood is not a spectrum. There isn’t a right or wrong way to be a woman. There is only what patriarchy constructed as true womanhood. That performance is exhausting. And it’s okay to feel lost. But the sooner you define your own terms of womanhood, the better
4. Baby, if you live by patriarchy’s approval ; you would die by its rejection

Trust me I have been there, dimmed my light, exhausted my being the good girl. In doing so, i wasted time denied myself the right to be my own person.

Try as hard as it is but be your own woman

5. Do not and I repeat do not feel ashamed of your emotions. Do not lose your kind human part rooted in wanting to give care intentionally. Even when it’s unreciprocated
You are never a loser for wanting to share your existence
6. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to get low and even disappoint yourself. However try as hard as you can to remember it’s okay to make mistakes.
Meet you there, be accountable for your harm. The earlier you practice this, the sooner you live by integrity
7. The world hates women. It’s embodied in culture, some religious practices and thinking, institutions

But the world mainly hates women who love themselves. Loving yourself as a woman is reclaiming your power over yourself. It is to honor yourself because you are worth it

8. Loving yourself is not a statement baby. It’s not a hashtag. It’s not even your cute selfies darling.
Loving yourself is how you deal with yourself when everyone around you deems you undeserving. It’s how you gently affirm yourself. It’s hard truly. It’s a journey. Take it easy
9. My earliest mistake was trying to be what my parents wanted. So I went to school for the wrong thing, lived my childhood in the shadow of my father’s wishes

If you can escape this, do it. If you cannot, hold on. One day, an opportunity will come and you will break free

10. Sweetie, I suggest you let go of all those high level expectations you made for yourself. Stop wanting your journey to be as everyone’s. You will get frustrated for nothing because this life is so unpredictable.
11. Oooh sexual liberation. You are going to need this darling. The sooner you redefine your sexuality, unlearn all the slutshaming women go through, then the quicker you can enjoy pleasure within your body.

Your body is your sanctuary. Love it, honor it, enjoy it

12. I am not the woman i was 5 years ago and I believe I won’t be this woman the next 5 years. My point is change is the constant thing we have. Do not be ashamed of it.

It’s okay to change your friends, partners, aspirations,…..it’s truly okay to totally change

13. I know the world puts pressure for girls to fully adult at a young age but darling, do not be pressured to perform and deem your innocence

Be a little girl as possible as you can. Just be

14. You are going to need sisters. But you also have to be a sister to many women as well. And that require you unlearn your own internalized misogyny

Do not live your youth projecting your own insecurities onto women around you, unlearn misogyny so you can be a good sister

15. Ambitious girls are dangerous especially when they honor their ambitions.

The world will celebrate your aspirations until they call you too much for wanting more for yourself.

Do not betray yourself by dimming your light

16. The only power you hold is your commitment to the truth. Nourish honesty dear, it will give you peace. Practice it dearly. Honor yourself with being honest to yourself and people around you
17. Of course you will be nagged about marriage and kids. And every woman goes through that pressure, remember it’s okay to want it so bad (patriarchy conditions us to) but also remember there is freedom in not doing what everyone else is doing.

Resist as you can

18. Oh baby girl, patriarchy will hurt you. I wish i could tell you things get better. The systems are rigged, you would anything to be safe and one day the one you have given your heart could violate your body and rip your soul

Remember it’s not your fault. It’s this ugly world

19. You cannot come and save everybody. Little girls are raised to care for everyone else but ourselves so we grew up to women who root their identity into how much we try to save everyone.

Take breaks from saving the world. Do it because you deserve to also be saved

20. This is my last one filled with my love and sisterhood to you: all of us are figuring things out. We are learning to live. But women who dare to demand their freedom, suffer. But i can assure the rejections, the hate, the criticisms are worth it.

I am glad you are here💙

– @judicaelle_

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