Shyness Is Not A Virtue. “Quiet” Is Not A Compliment.

“pushy”, “forward”, “demanding”. Words  usually accociated with women who are not hesitant about asking for what they want.

It’s society’s way of keeping women under and behind. It’s been perfected for decades such that girls are socialized from early on, to not ask for what they want but to pretend they don’t want it while using all sorts of roundabout “schemes” hoping to get it.

I see it everywhere. At job interviews where female applicants ask for less money than male applicants (for the same job)

I see it in relationships where young women who want a permanent commitment are using all sorts of schemes to get their boyfriends to commit to them rather than just asking him if he’s interested in a permanent relationship and telling him what they want and expect.

I see it in marriages where wives cannot ask for help with domestic chores and childcare from their husbands when they’re overwhelmed because they’ve been taught to be silent burden bearers.

I see it in society’s quick disparaging of women who are not shy or quiet about what they want out of life and who they want to be.

Shyness is not a virtue. Being described as “quiet” is not a compliment.

Know what you’re worth and don’t be silent about it. While bidding for jobs or during interviews, negotiate your worth. negotiate based on your qualifications, skills, experience and potential.

In relationships, open your mouth and ask for what you deserve. Your needs are valid and your views, thoughts and opinions matter.

Let no one tell you how to express yourself either. Because you’ll meet those who will tell you they don’t have problems with you speaking up, but you’ll discover they only want you to speak up when you agree with them. If you have contrary views, they can’t stand it. Especially if they can’t present a superior intellectual argument.

Don’t be deceived by men who say they admire your being able to speak up for yourself and be assertive. More often than not, they admire it to “tame it”. Like humans admire a beautiful brightly colored bird only to own it and keep it caged.

Their admiration of you ends they moment you don’t keep quiet and accept whatever is thrown at you. The moment they realize you can ask questions, present a contrary opinion, have a different point of view and is willing to share it, the admiration becomes resentment.

The moment you’re not “humble” about what you know and can achieve, the admiration ends.

Someone once told me how he thought my being “outspoken” was for facebook. That he expects that at home, I would be different and “do what I was supposed to do”.  I laughed. What a fool.

Speak up Ladies.  Silent women never made history.

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