Wanting The Sadness To Go

I have thought about how to put this into words and there’s no other word than this one phrase: “It hurts”.

It hurts like an open wound.

When I found out I was pregnant in the early weeks of this year, It was the happiest and the scariest day of my life. But I was proud of myself. I felt like I had finally achieved something worth being proud of. (this might not make sense to you but for me, being a mother has been something I had wanted and waited for, for a long time)

I felt like everything was finally working out. I felt blessed and I couldn’t wait to carry my baby.


I read all pregnancy books and articles, I shopped online and booked all relevant appointments.

Then suddenly, without warning, a routine doctor’s appointment brought the bad news. I heard things like no heartbeat, collapsed gestational sack and non-viable. I was told to wait until two weeks to confirm what I already knew in my gut. My baby had stopped growing and the pregnancy was no longer viable.

Sadly on a Thursday before the two weeks elapsed, I woke up covered in blood.

It was all over.

The doctors were all full of statistics that was supposed to be consoling but it doesn’t help. Things like 50% of pregnancies are miscarried in the first trimester. So who says I must be among that 50%.

Why can’t I be among the 50% that delivered a healthy baby ?

My body is healing but my heart is broken and it will take some time but I know eventually I will be Okay. I have been consoled, I have been hugged and encouraged and told that God knows best and the next one will be fine and everything will be all right.

But I am sad.

I can fix my hair and wear make up and smile and laugh but I’m deeply hurt. I hurt every time I see a baby or pictures of babies. I hurt every time I hear cute baby stories. I am reminded of my loss.

I am told the pain will go away but I don’t know when. I am trying to forget but I don’t know if I can.

15 Comments

  • isaac Ayemowa

    You will definitely forget when God is up on your behalf. and something viable like a baby is delivered by you , you will forget about the loos.

  • Sunday Moses

    Your joy will flow to you again very shorty Fola. Just be courageous and look forward to it. Shortly it will come

  • Anonymous

    Be encourage dearest. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. You will carry your own baby in god health and in sound mind.God is working on your behalf and He will give you a beautiful testimony. Big hugs to you 🙂

  • Joseph

    Oh Fola thank you for sharing this.
    Yes it hurts,but do not lose hope that you too will have your baby in your hands,cry & smile in your face.
    Once again thank you for sharing this.

  • Godwin Akhare

    Be encouraged of the fact that God knows it all. He will console and stand by you. He will make you to recover your loss. Rely and trust Him still.

  • Monsur

    Folaranmi….
    Do not b Discouraged
    He takes n gives..
    B positive n recover …
    Sure, ur joy will surely come to u soon.
    …. Sorry. …

  • Anonymous

    Fola I feel your pain too, but let me tell you your pain will soon vanish because God will show up certainly and very very soon. Just put your hope in Him as always. Remain blessed and be happy.

  • Parker

    Fola,

    I quite understand how you feel but you really need to let go.

    You need a positive state of mind to allow another conception.

    Please know that I am with you in prayers.

  • Shoggyben

    Fola, i hurt with you, cos my wife and i had been on this road even worse than this, loosing 2 babies consecutively at birth, but today the 3rd, our princess lives to celebrate a year come next month. Ot was truamatising and it definetely will for you dear, but hold strong, be positive like i would tell my wife then, soon you will be reminded of this moment and gladness and smiles will fill your heart

  • Zainab Umar

    I have never loose a baby neither have I been pregnant before,I might not really know how it does felt
    Stay positive ma’am

  • Anonymous

    So sorry to read about this darling, I have cried with you. Wishing I could have been there to hold and comfort you through this!

    Unfortunately, I have bad news, the HURT WILL NEVER GO, but you will grow through it, learn from it, and hopefully it will build a type of warmth and compassion inside of you that you can channel into something else. Fall apart if you need to, take time off and cry your eyes out when you need to, whatever you do, don’t bottle up the feeling, and don’t let it define your next steps either.

    We all heal in our own way, we deal with pain in our own way, so find your way through this, that is all that you owe yourself.

  • Anonymous

    Fola, it does really hurts especially when you are expectant. Take little time to heal and get up again. Be strong and of good courage .Trust God and me , you’ll be fine as soon as you’re up. Be positive, joyful and let it be in the past so that you can fully embrace the future right before you.. I waited for 20 years and today my twin boys are 10 to the glory of God. Remember no matter the situation.. He’ll never leave you nor forsake you sis

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