Sit down to an honest conversation with your mother.
Ask her what living with your dad has been like over the years.
Ask her what relationship with him felt like for her.
Ask her if she ever had any regrets and what they were or are.
Ask her if your father was or is everything she thought he would be.
Ask her if she had to give up anything she wanted because she married your father. Ask what those things were.
Ask her what her dreams and goals were when she was younger
Bottom line, get to know your mother as a human being. Not just someone who took care of you and your family.
A lot of men idolise their mothers and even take pride in the fact that their mothers “endured suffering” for many years. Some grow up expecting women they are with to “endure” the disrecpect and abuse and insensitivity their own mothers put up with.
Suffering is not a sign of love.
There are also mothers raising daughters to put up with emotional, physical and verbal abuse because they put up with it. That is not training. That is cultivating a circle of abuse.
So get to know your mother. Have an open honest conversation with her about her feelings about her relationship with your father.
It might help you deal with your relationships better. It might open your eyes and mind. It might change your perspective and it might disrupt your previously held beliefs.
Whatever happens, you’ll be closer and probably better for it.