Monogamy Is Not Gendered!

Too many Nigerian men live with the illusion and are quick to peddle the myth  that monogamy is a natural female trait.

Majority of men think that women who have sexual partners out of their marital relationships or committed relationships do it either for money or because the man they’re with is not sexually satisfying. This narrative is not only quite flawed, it’s also been weaponized.

It’s very difficult for men to see women as sexual beings and admit that the narrative that a woman’s feelings must be involved before she has sex is false.

That  would mean Women have sex for the sake of having sex too.

It would mean Women like variety too and can choose to have a sexual encounter without emotions being involved.

Society doesn’t like us to talk about this because society is uncomfortable when women own their sexuality.

When women own their sexuality,  it can no longer be used as a weapon of control .

Isn’t it funny how our society accepts and sometimes even pat men on the back for having multiple sexual partners?  We call them studs, and it’s sometimes even seen as a sign of men’s virility. But we shame women if they even think of doing the exact same thing?

Haven’t you ever wondered why statements like “Men are naturally polygamous” is used to justify and explain  men’s infidelity?

This has led to the conspiracy and stupid lie that women are ‘naturally monogamous’ and any woman who steps out is somehow ‘abnormal’.

A narrative that has kept women in bondage. A narrative designed to control us women.

The truth is that Monogamy is not gendered. Monogamy is a choice you make because of your personal values, belief system and faith. You’re not “naturally monogamous” because you’re a woman , you choose to be monogamous because you’ve chosen to be. (whatever your reasons are).

Another set of truths:




Another weapon they have successfully used for centuries is “SHAME”.

Women are shamed for liking or showing that they enjoy sex. As if it’s a bad thing. That’s why women are lying and pretending all over the place. To please and appeal to the fragile egos of men.

Too many women put up with unsatisfying and mediocre sex from men because they have been shamed into silence. Asking for more or better performance is seen as a sign of being “spoilt”.

Woman; set yourself free. Admit the truth to yourself if you enjoy sex. And if you don’t, ask yourself WHY?

Maybe because you’ve been told it’s somehow “wrong” to enjoy it?

Maybe you’ve been told “only bad girls like sex”?

Maybe because you’ve not even explored your own sexuality to find out what you like!

No woman should be ashamed of her sexuality. It’s beautiful. It’s powerful. Own it. Celebrate it. Most importantly, learn to use it.


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