Sexual Assault In Church. Are We Going To Talk About It?

When are we going to have an open and honest conversation about sexual harassment and assault in Nigerian churches?

How long are we going to push it away, cover it up and pretend it never happens?

2017 was the year we debated the previously untouchable subject of tithing. When are we going to rip off the shroud of silence around sexual assault and victim blaming that exists in Nigeria’s religious circles?

Could it be because our society in general still doesn’t give victims a voice, still shields perpetrators and dehumanize victims? Could it be because there hardly is any justice?

Could it be because Pastors in Nigeria have such a strong hold on their followers that no one is emboldened to speak out?

Could it be that church goers are more concerned about preserving the ‘good name’ of the church rather than standing up for Justice for the victim of a crime?

How many young women have been coerced into non consensual sexual encounters by church group leaders and pastors who abuse their authority? How many times have we heard those stories and demonized the victims?

How long will we allow doctrines and teachings that body shame women, victim blame them while validating their abusers?

When will we stop teaching that men have no control over their sexuality so responsibility lies on the women to “not dress provocatively” or “visit alone”  so as not to be assaulted?

When are we going to stop protecting sexual predators in the church even if they have the highest title?

When will we face this subject and stop covering it up with pacifist bible verses and christian cliches?

When will our first response stop being to “defend the accused, avoid a scandal or protect the name of the church”?

When are we going to stop avoiding subjects that make us uncomfortable?

Fixing My Focus

Ordinarily, because this is my first post for 2018, i would have written something motivational about ‘new year goals’ or such and such but for some reason, my first post of the year is a message i had been receiving for myself.

Sometime ago, i listened to a sermon preached by Pastor Steven Furtick called  “fix your focus” and that title had been ringing in my head these past few days.

Whatever you focus on, you’ll inevitably magnify. There are so many things competing for attention in our lives.  Our careers, our finances, our spouses, children, health, even the nation’s political issues.

One thing I’ve found out though, these issues will always be there at some point or the other because that’s just life. it isn’t perfect. But when we focus on the problems, they become magnified, they scare us and we become anxious and worried.

One of my goals this year is to avoid magnifying perceived problems by constantly talking about and ruminating over it.

Rather than focus on the issues, i’ll focus on what i know is Truth: That God loves me, cares about me, is aware of the problems and will never leave me stranded.

“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” says Jesus.

I choose to focus on where my treasure is. Jesus.

A Story About Time – By Eketi Edima Ette (@eketiette)

Are you one of those people who’s looked back on 2017 and convinced yourself that you haven’t achieved anything? Worried about catching up with your mates who seem to have done much better?

Let me tell you a story about time.

A long time ago, back when I was about twelve or thirteen years old, my parents traveled to Uyo.  Before leaving, my mother asked me to prepare Edikang ikong soup so she and my father would eat when they returned. As soon as they were out the door, I commandeered my siblings to prepare all the soup ingredients, cover them up and leave them on the kitchen table.

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I Became A Grown Woman In 2017

2017 has been an incredible year. These two words describe the year for me:

DISCOVERY
FREEDOM

I discovered there was more to who i believed i was. I discovered the reasons behind some life experiences, i discovered parts of me that i wasn’t aware of, i discovered truth.

With discovery came freedom. In 2017, i broke free.

I became free from lies i had believed for many years, i became free of societal expectations about what should make me happy, i became free to love myself, love others and be genuinely happy.

I dropped my baggage in 2017. I dropped my pain, my anger,my insecurities and my fears.

In 2017, i picked up courage. In 2017 i fought and i won. Everything i lost in 2017 was supposed to be gone from me, so i said goodbye without regrets.

In 2017, I found my place, i discovered my power. I became a grown woman.

GUEST POST: Women Are Like God! By @Ms_Affy

Women were created to assist God in creation.  They were hand crafted by God to perform specific functions pertaining to them and cannot be compared in any way to the compared to the masculine gender because they were also designed by God to perform uniquely as well.

Women exist because of who they are (identity) and what they were created to do on earth (significance). They were designed to ‘birth’- bring people into existence and that’s what creation simply means strictusensu.

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#TFWPodcast: IdentiFIGHT AUDIO DEVOTIONAL – STEP 1

The #IdentiFIGHT prayer journal is a 10 step devotional that helps you study and pray through to freedom from insecurity and low self esteem.  here’s introducing the audio devotional to help you along as you use the book.

Each podcast will cover each step in the devotional.  Please download and listen as often as you can while you take your time on each step.

The Nigerian Woman Gets No Justice

The more i see a powerful media, political or Hollywood figure get fired over allegations of sexual misconduct, the sadder i become.

Not sad that these men are getting ousted or facing the consequences of their vile actions, sad that Nigerian women cannot partake of this wave of justice sweeping across the united States.

The Nigerian woman has no one to stand up for her. The law is not on her side and the court of public opinion is largely influenced by a culture of patriarchy and victim blaming.

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“When They Go Low, We Go High”

When Michelle Obama said that famous quote;  “when they go low, we go high”, she probably did not know the depth of the revelation she had tapped into.

“For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

Life’s situations and ups and downs affect the way we think about ourselves and our circumstances. Bumps and mishaps on the journey of life will make us think little of ourselves sometimes, thoughts of inadequacy, failure and helplessness.

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#NewFavorite: RUMIDE – Iyanu YioSele

The New year is just around the corner and with the season comes the desire to reach out to God in faith so that we can finish strong.

Here’s a song by my friend and dear brother, RUMIDE called Iyanu yiosele (Miracles will happen) that i believe is just in time for this season.

Rumide’ mission is to bless the people through his music and lift as many souls as possible.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD 

 

 

 

 

A Word Is Enough For The Single

It’s okay to want to get married. Your desires are good and noble and you shouldn’t be embarrassed about it.

However, in the process of finding someone, it’s a no brainer that you’ll encounter bumps and sometimes climb hills along the way.

The watch word here is GUARD YOUR HEART.

Your heart here refers to the soul. the seat of your emotions. It is precious because it is connected to the core of who you are. If your soul is infected or wounded in anyway, your spirit will inevitably be affected and it will manifest physically in your attitudes and character.

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Stop Telling Me To ‘Get Used To It’!

There is no fancy way of saying this; i am sick and tired of being told to ‘get used to it’.

When boys pull my hair on the playing ground and laugh at my embarrassment while they push me to the ground, don’t tell me to get used to it because after all, ‘boys are just being boys ‘.

When boys stalk me on the way home after class in secondary school, catcalling and whistling, pointing and laughing at my pubescent body, don’t tell me to get used to it because ‘I’m a girl and i should be flattered because it means the boys like me’.

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Overcoming “Not Enough-ness”

I sat around a table with yet another group of women who were confessing feelings of loneliness and shame.

“I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.”

“I see pictures on social media of people hanging out. Why aren’t they including me?”

“When will I get over my teenage insecurities?”

“Why are friendships with women so difficult?”

“I was rejected again.”

“I don’t feel good enough or capable enough to be used powerfully by God.”

From my perspective, every woman around that table was strong, gifted, beautiful, well-liked, outgoing, creative, and generally wonderful. In fact, that happens to be true of most of the women I meet. So if all of the women I know are fabulous, and yet all are plagued by loneliness and insecurity, something isn’t lining up.

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Stop Praying For Money

God’s blessing to us is not money.

He blesses us with opportunities, imagination and a sound mind.

In all of God’s creation, he never created tables and chairs, paper and pencils. But he created Trees and he blessed man with the imagination to create what he needed with the trees!

Look around you. What opportunities have you been blessed with? Look inside you; what talents have you been blessed with? Explore your imagination because God uses your imagination to show you pictures of where you’re headed and what you can do.

Stop praying for money. Pray for your eyes to be opened to the opportunities available to you. pray for your imagination to be active. pray for your mind to be alert to the information that you need.

Then put it all to work. Information, imagination and leveraging on opportunities. The money will come.